Acceptability 1.1

Acceptability Contd.

Reflection: It is the quality of being accepted or allowed!!!!

We ended last post with these thought provoking statements.

* It is advisable to define your limit of acceptability in an "ideal situation" and possibly in a "worse case scenario" 

* Can we definitively say if we truly possess the capacity to manage the whats?

Possessing the capacity to manage the "whats" especially in relationships requires a great deal of maturity, self awareness, exposure and possibly life experiences as it is said "experience is the best teacher" ("Experience" hmmm!!!!!..... not exactly in all cases as some fall into same mistakes over and over with no carryover knowledge applied). 

It is safe to say that "acceptability develops with maturity". Maturity is not limited to physical growth but spiritual, mental, emotional, exposure, experiences etc....

Example:- Single vs being married (as marriage grows, you expand your capacity to allow and manage "whats" as compared to while single and in full control of your time and space).

Take a life survey and compare possibly 5 to 10 years ago to today or past relationship(s) to current.
Define what is not acceptable; slightly acceptable; very acceptable; completely acceptable then and now.

Tekena Dokubo 

Acceptability

For your Thoughts!!

Acceptability 

Meaning – what is allowed; what is satisfactory; can be tolerated; what I can live with.

The intent is to take a deep look into the principle of acceptability and its relational applicability. 

Q::

What do you consider satisfactory in a relationship?
What can you live with and to what extent are you able to live with what? 
What is allowable to you? Do you have the capacity to live with it?
How does this affect your decision in relationship? 

It is advisable to define your limit of acceptability in an "ideal situation" and possibly in a "worse case scenario" 

Can we definitively say if we truly possess the capacity to manage the whats?

Hmmmmm!!!

Tekena Dokubo 

Conviction & Acceptability

Hello All,

In continuation, lets look at these key words to a sustainable relationship.

Conviction & Acceptability

Acceptability means – what is allowed; what is satisfactory; can be tolerated; what I can live with.

We defined “Conviction” as a firm position based on your views, beliefs or knowledge assurance etc. It would be right to say “that conviction aids the process of acceptability in a relationship” and vice-versa depending on the circumstances surrounding the relationship.   

The resistance of a relationship to breaking under internal or external influences or factors is based on the degree of conviction and acceptability. There are factors (constants) in life that would drive any relationship to the point of collapse. As it’s rightly said and I quote “No one is perfect” typifies that we must recognize as a matter of reality that there are issues in every human. We are to live with that.

Therefore, your ability to endure the stretch that comes as a result of these imperfections and external factors without bending towards collapse or eventual collapse strongly depends on your convictions.

We must be able to answer correctly the “Why” and “Because” of the relationship without ambiguity. What are the factors behind the Why? In some cases Why why? Hmmmmmm!!!

Do you sometimes wonder why relationships that started off on very good note suffer collapse?

Keep that in mind!!!! 

CONVICTION before the major YES

Hello all,

Apologies as i have been busy with a lot but this is an interesting read or subject. Don't forget to leave your comments at the end of the post. 

"Conviction means certainty; assurance; sureness; total positiveness; stance, firm position based on views, belief and knowledge".

By reasoning, I deduced that a major cause of short-lived relationships is the strength of conviction upon which the YES step was taken in the first instance. It became clearer that the tensile strength of a relationship is directly proportional (Relationship Arithmetology - lollllll) to the power of conviction (RTR=Cp). Mathematically, we can apply this equation into relationship as follows:

That RTR1………n=Cp1…………n Where Cp1…..n are varying degrees of internal factors

Keep this equation in mind as we continue!!!!!!.

👊☺

Relationship Tips: Compatibility Part 2

Contd!!! Read on.

            Average/Acceptable Compatibility: Amos 3:3 “do two walk together unless they have agreed to               do so?”  To agree to do so would mean “to accept to; to consent to; to assent to; to undertake to; to             have the same opinion about something; to concur …………” It is definite that there must be an                   agreement between two if they intend to walk successfully together, especially down the road of                   relationship through to marriage.

Let’s take a peep into what an agreement is. It is a negotiated binding arrangement (set of rules and conditions with binding obligations and liabilities) between two parties as to a course of action; the course of action in this case is in achieving a successful relationship. An agreement can be verbal, legal (in print) or personal as the case maybe. Looking at the three forms of agreement stated

Legal would be a “contract marriage” which is not the main focus of the write-up.

A verbal agreement would require acceptable inputs (verbal terms and condition) from both parties before it can be enforced or become a binding obligation in a relationship (terms and conditions like “allow me my space; must have my own room; habits; mutual respect; accountability; responsibility; career pursuit; family accounts; appearance; make-up; sex timetable; number of children; accessibility to in-laws and friends; association; church or religion; where to live; life style; nanny; recreational activities; type of meals; turns to take up domestic obligations; must avoid terms or condition  … or I walk”). These terms must be fair, satisfactory and agreed on by both parties before committing to the relationship. Let me share an experience to substantiate this. “I visited a female friend many years ago with the intent to get a relationship started. After pouring out my vibes, she requested that I make a verbal sacrificial commitment as the only condition for acceptance. Wow!!! Now that was way beyond my acceptable limits. The request was not directly proportional to the degree of love to accept; so, I left sad but again glad that I never did. The condition was just too weighty for the intended relationship and timing.

This agreement can also be termed “Acceptable Compatibility”, where defensible terms and conditions define “compatibility” in relationships. The degree and duration of acceptability depends on both parties and varies from party to party. Durability depends also on personal, future or external factors that may impact on the agreed terms and condition (example: cases of people growing apart as they age in the relationship or changes associated with individual temperaments).    

More coming!!!! kindly drop your comments

Relationship Tips: Compatibility

"A watch word in relationships". It is anticipated that everyone must answer the compatibility question before proceeding to give a nod to a relationship. It is a must answer to every successful relationship. Questions like "can you work together, live together, and so on without problems or conflicts" are drummed loudly into the ears of prospective lovers. Usually, you get answers like "Yes we can"; I believe so"; we flow together; we work together well; i think so etc.

Let’s go a step deeper. Can any two be perfectly compatible in a relationship? Is there any term like acceptable compatibility? How do we define/determine what is acceptable in compatibility? 

What is compatibility in relationship/marriage? It’s simply defined as a state in which two persons are able to exist together without problems or conflict. Two people existing together without problems or conflicts seem too perfect a togetherness/co-existence in our world. It’s not even seen amongst identical twins how much more persons from very different backgrounds. It’s even more complex for us as Africans and some other regions because of cultural differences/influence in our behaviours. The term “Acceptable Compatibility” then becomes a determining factor to a successful relationship. It’s therefore the responsibility of the persons involved to decide the degree of acceptability.

The degree of compatible acceptability varies per relationship. Let’s take a peep into some types of compatibility 

There are three types of compatibility namely:

1. Full Compatibility: two can work together; exist together in combination without problems or conflicts. You are perfect together in purpose; emotionally you are perfect; together in strengths and weakness; together physically; together in values, behavioural traits; social combination; spiritual togetherness; togetherness in old age, in downtimes etc. This is termed “A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP”. A relationship void of conflicts though there would be minor problems but would not degenerate into major conflicts. In such relationships, both persons do not seem to recognize weaknesses or major conflict hotspots. They co-exist and do not recognize the weaknesses/faults/conflict trigger points of their partners. Problems are solved as is or handled on a case-by-case bases and not the kind of problem requiring a detailed root cause analysis with links to other past faults. Hmmm!!!!!! It’s a peaceful co-existence with an understanding that the “two can tango” (good laugh). This is the ultimate desire for every right thinking male or female adult but we know it is not easy to come by except with God’s help. This brings us to the second type of compatibility.

Coming Soon!!!! 

Killer Principle in relationships

Hey, an interesting read for you

I came across a business principle online that ("from my experiences) is a major problem in many relationships today.

The principle states thus "I Love U, U Love Me, U have $$$"
Quoting the publisher, the three must go together in business for profitability
***2 out of three won't work. All 3 must go together. Is there anything of value to gain from our supposed business relationship? This principle sets out to give answer(s) to the potential for monetary gains in a business relationship. Can you pay for my services? Is this relationship valuable? What do I stand to gain? Hmmm!!!!

Consider an emotional relationship; this principle would leave you with questions like
* I love you, you love me, do you have the money to sustain the "love"? Hmmm!!! I have heard people say "how long would the love last with money?"
* I have $$$, I love you but you don't love me. Hmmmm!! Would this give the expected fulfillment or lead to a life of frusttration in a relationship?
* I don't love you but you love me and I have money. Would this lead to a life of satisfaction or a life of bondage?
Note that this is not just applicable to women. Guys too.

Typical scenario
**I love her, she loves me, is he/she a liability? Hmmm!!! It's sad to see that we see partners in relationships today as liabilities instead of potential help meet for us.

One major concern today is how we tend to turn a blind eye from "responsibility" and instead tag responsibility "liability".

How do we manage in relationships where we have $$$ but no love? Would be great to hear from another's experience what it feels like to be in a relationship were you are not loved but your needs are met.

It maybe a good principle in business to sustain profitability and keep your prime customers but is a major problem in relationships/marriages among young adults today.

Lets hear from you!!! 

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